Saturday, December 15, 2007

Mixed Up Mom

Mischievous giggles drew me into the nursery this afternoon. Both boys should have been fast asleep. I had put them down for naps more than half an hour before and they were exhausted.
But there, in Jonathan's crib, stood the most irresistible little bundle of a guy, smiling, drooling and shaking his crib with vigor.
I lifted him out and pulled him close to me, letting him rest his cheek against mine. It was something Matthew would normally do. Jonathan is more likely to snuggle into my neck. But things always change with these guys. They pick mannerisms and habits up from each other.
We stayed that way for a few moments and then moved into the living room. For the next 20 minutes, I cuddled him and played with him on the floor. I held him up to the mirror and said, "There's Jonny!" I played, "How big is Jonny? Soooooo big!" I whispered, "Mommy loves you Jonny" over and over again in his ear.
Then came a short cry from the nursery.
The baby I lifted from Matthew's crib snuggled into my neck. I pulled him away and looked at the vein across his nose. Nausea washed through my stomach.
I had mixed them up before.
For a moment.
Maybe two.
But never for this long.
I'm sure that in a few days, maybe even in a few hours, I'll find the humor in this. But, right now, it's lost to me.


Anonymous said...

My husband and I just learned that our 5 month old boys are identical. We were both surprised. Although we can distinguish between them, we have both "mixed them up" on several occasions. Try not to be so hard on yourself. They feel your love whether you always refer to them by their given name or not. Thanks for sharing your blog. It's great!

TwinsMom said...

Thanks and congratulations on your boys!! Ever since our guys were born, I have met many, many parents who were told their twins were fraternal only to later find out that they were identical. I am feeling much better about that incident, but I found it scary. I can't believe that it is possible for me to hold and cuddle a baby without knowing which one I am holding.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Jonathan and Matthew!
Grandma and Grandma D.

Mommakitten said...

This is why I am glad that the TTTS has left some lasting effects of growth issues. By that I mean Aiden's little head is smaller than Nate's from the was he was smashed in the womb. But once they get helmets... Lord help us!