Ranters and Ravers

I was perusing an online bulletin board yesterday for moms of multiples when I came across a thread of rants about people who stop moms and comment on their twins in malls, in grocery stores, in Target and in Wal-Mart.
One woman was furious with people who praise her older daughter for being such a good helper. "Come on people. She's only three," she wrote. Another could not believe that anyone would ask whether her babies were, indeed, twins. A third was insulted by people who ask her how she handles it all.
People can be so rude.
No, no, no.
Not the folks who make the comments: twin moms.
Sure it can be tough sometimes. I've had my share of incidents. One man insisted my twins were not identical. He just wouldn't give up. So I did. A clerk at Dillard's once blocked my way. She just stood there ogling the boys for several minutes. When I tried to get around her, she stepped in my path again. She persisted until another clerk pulled her away. A neighbor's 9-year-old son once grabbed one baby by the face and screamed in another baby's ear (We stay away from them now.).
But that's three incidents in 11 months.
And they were real.
It was not a matter of perception.
Before I had twins, I was not versed in twin etiquette. I had never referred to any twins as "double trouble," but I can't imagine I would find it insulting. Nor would have considered that acknowledging the difficulties of juggling twins or complimenting a three-year-old sibling would be rude.
Many of the comments on that thread were funny and light-hearted. But there were some twin moms who just seemed to get a high off of the opportunity to be haughty in return. Their babies are their power trips.
It's a shame.
Some folks are just a little overwhelmed when they see twins. They want to say something. Anything. And they don't hire speech writers. It just comes out. Sometimes, it comes out beautifully. Other times, the result is awkward.
Who cares? Really?
My boys are a blessing. They are not double trouble. I don't need sympathy. And sometimes I get exasperated when errands take me three times longer than they should. But when I do feel myself becoming exasperated, I think of the smiles and I remember how easily the twins can brighten a day, simply by their existence. How selfish that would be of me to deny someone that moment.
There was one mom on that thread who saw the light. She was shopping with four of her children, including her twins. A woman asked whether they were all hers. She felt that rage, that urge to be rude, rising inside her, but she decided to fight it this time. She smiled and said that yes, they were.
"I almost cried right there," she wrote. "She had two kids like 5 or so years apart and she wished they were closer in age. We had a great conversation for the few seconds my wildness would allow."
Thank goodness she let her wild side rule.